


The Adventure Zone One-Shots (or whatever)

by Spamateur



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: A buncha one shots, Death, Im so sorry I spat this out at 3 am, LMAO, M/M, One Shot, Words, its just, taakitz, theres no plot or anything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24217855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spamateur/pseuds/Spamateur
Summary: Mostly Taakitz, but, like, no plot. Just writing. One-shots.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Anomalies

**Author's Note:**

> Just had to write Kravitz cos I love him ok???
> 
> im so sorry i spat this out at 3 am and i wasn't paying attention to what i wrote for 50% of it but here ya go kimosabe

  
"Hey thug, what's your name? I'm about to tentacle your dick!"

Kravitz would have taken the time to blink, if he had eyelids in this form. The white-haired wizard elf who had spoken, Kravitz knew, was Taako, one of three he was after for an impossibly high death count.

"Death count" meaning the number of times they'd died, not the number of times they'd killed-- although, Kravitz supposed, it was true either way.

Merle, the dwarven cleric, was the most important target, Kravitz knew. Thus, he should should be focusing on Merle. But as Taako continued talking, glaring at Kravitz with a defiant, mischievious glint in his eyes, Kravitz found it hard to look away. So he didn't.

Instead, he answered, dropping the accent and speaking with what he would later realize was more clarity and calmness than the situation called for, "My name is Kravitz."

And then Taako, as promised, tentacled Kravitz's dick. Well, not his dick, but as the tendrils pulled from him at the end of the battle and gave Kravitz a flirty caress on the side of his face as it retreated, Kravitz felt-- impossibly, betrayingly, he was _Death, capital D,_ for goodness' sake, you'd think he had more control over his own body that didn't breathe, didn't _beat_ as long as he didn't let it-- a blush flush cross his cheeks, and his heart, dead as it was, skipped a beat.

Kravitz didn't think about it. He tried not to, at least. 

Later, he appeared in the mirror, or rather, on the other side of the mirror on another plane altogether, and faced Taako, Merle and Magnus again.

During this encounter, as he took his bodily form, there was an itch under his skin. Every time he wasn't looking at Taako, he could feel- or maybe it was just his imagination- Taako looking at him. Always looking, and it was almost enough to reinstate that unfamiliar flush, but only almost.

So Kravitz ignored Taako in favor of focusing on his mission, on these bounties, (on his accent,) and on his duty to the Raven Queen.

But he couldn't be blamed, not really, when he turned to Taako first, feeling curious as he met the wizard's eyes intensely and addressed him, "Taako."

" _Hello_."

Kravitz was only put off balance for a second at Taako's blatantly flirtatious, if not a little nervous, tone. He didn't skip a beat in continuing his intimidation tactic. But there was an itch under his skin thereon.  
The rest of the mission went as smoothly as Kravitz could manage, except not at all, especially the part where he didn't collect on all of his bounty, but Legion was certainly pay enough.  
And later, when Kravitz took quiet moments inbetween planes, if he thought about the charming idiot that blew up the lab, and the ridiculous tentacle caress, and the unlikely wavering flirty _hello'_ s, and the "you should have stayed handsome" and every little thing about Taako that he had gleamed from their short but curious encounters, well. There were no souls around, dead or alive, to judge him. 

He wasn't enthralled, or obsessed, with this elven wizard. Just intrigued. Curious. For now.

Time travel is interesting. In a time loop, at the end of which those involved die every time, Kravitz didn't get told of the deaths over and over again, not subsequently. Because it was a separate time loop, all the deaths hit him at the same time, a plane of existence away, as he was returning to the stockade.  
Kravitz didn't even break stride as he summoned his scythe, his body melting away to reveal his skeletal form underneath, and tore a rift in space and time to--

To a town full of very alive people. 

Kravitz, hesitantly, stepped through the rift, still keeping from sight of the townspeople around him. The death toll here, it should've been immense, it should have been a _massacre,_ but as far as he could tell, every soul was still safely and securely in its body.

Kravitz looked around, bewildered and frustrated, firmly intent on hunting down whatever was responsible for this anomaly-- and then it all made sense.

Because standing in front of him were Merle, Magnus and Taako, sharing a conversation.

Kravitz growled. He'd given up his bounty on them, but they were still going around causing trouble, and loathe as he was to admit it (not very), he wasn't interested in being the one to take these ridiculous heroic idiots to the afterlife.

They were a special case, but the townspeople were more urgent to his duty to the Raven Queen. Kravitz needed to consult her about an anomaly this... _astounding_. Kravitz raised his scythe to cut through space and time again--

And Taako looked up at him. Not past him, not beyond, but _at_ him. And Kravitz froze, feeling that same burning curiosity flare in his chest that he had felt at the crystallized lab.

But Taako only frowned for a second and turned back to his companions, and the moment had passed, leaving only a familiar yet strange itch under Kravitz' skin.

Kravitz went back to the realm of the dead.

He got as far as laying out the raven feathers, searching to call upon the Queen, when that itch became unbearable, and Kravitz straightened, clenching his jaw.

He was going to do something ridiculous that he definitely shouldn't do, but that curiosity had grown fiery and bubbled up within him and tensed and Kravitz, in a fit of frustration, summoned his scythe, made a rift to the moon, and stepped through.

The Bureau of Balance was not unknown to Kravitz. He was _Death_. Little was. 

What was unknown was how, as he lounged on the couch and he saw Taako step in, the curiosity and intrigue _flared_ again. 

Well, not entirely unknown. After all Kravitz had been only human, once, long ago.

He knew Taako was attractive. Well attractive was perhaps not the best word for it. Taako was hot. And pretty. And to be honest, cute. Plus, ethereal, in that way that elven people were, but still uniquely breathtaking. 

But Kravitz had reaped many an objectively breathtaking dead guy without catching feelings. There was more.

Taako was unabashedly, well, _Taako,_ and everything about it irked Kravitz in a way he wasn't sure he didn't like, just under his skin, just enough to be on the back of his mind whenever he was in the same room as Taako and sometimes when he wasn't. It hadn't gotten in the way of his work yet, and it wasn't going to start anytime soon, Kravitz decided, as he told Taako that he needed to talk. 

"That one's on me," Taako admitted tersely, after Kravitz spoke, and the itch under Kravitz's skin was pleased to hear his voice. "Listen homie, shit's been shit, and as much as I'd love to chat about it, I've been through a Groundhog Day scenario on meth, and crack, and steriods, and we all died a shit ton of times--" Taako laughed, with a tense uneasiness edging its way underneath, and the sound of it trailed off and died. 

Taako took a moment to cover up the grimace he'd been making. "And I get that's why you're here, but Taako needs like 5 hours, tops, to get over the kajillion times I and a town of mostly innocent got burned up into oblivion, kapiche?"

Kravitz frowned, regarding Taako slowly. The wizard was more shaken than Kravitz had seen him before, and that probably meant a lot, considering the first time they met was in a crystallized lab that this goof had managed to explode with the unwavering wittiness, bravery and confidence that came with the Taako brand.

Taako broke the short silence. "So, like, Kravo, fella, as much as I'd love to jump your bones or do whatever else you're looking for that has to be reason you have for being set up on my couch, can I get a rain check?"

Kravitz stood and approached Taako, looking down at the wizard with a firm stare-- not as deathly as it could be. He couldn't bring himself to be Death with a capital d, not right now. Right now, we was just doing his job.

"The death toll of Refuge, yours included, cannot go ignored," he said, his tone gently insistent. "Taako, you--"

A familiar tug of magic cut Kravitz off, and he frowned. The Raven Queen was requesting him urgently. More than likely, he knew, regarding the very matter which he was discussing now. "I'm being summoned. But we're not finished with this conversation, Taako." He called his scythe into existence, shifting into his skeletal form.

Taako sucked his teeth, tilting his head, never breaking eye contact with Kravitz. "Alright, tomorrow, then."

Kravitz couldn't frown anymore, without skin and muscles, but if he could he would. "What?"

"Tomorrow at 8. There's a Chug 'N Squeeze 'ts opened shop. Meet me there and we can discuss the very many reasons why you totally shouldn't go all Seventh Seal on our asses." Taako offered a sideways smirk that had no business being as attractive as it was.

"Fine," Kravitz agreed. "Tomorrow at eight." That itch was gnawing at him now, and a second passed before Kravitz added, "I'll see you then, Taako."


	2. Chug 'N Squeeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short one. Like I said I wrote it at 3 am and like I was definitely not awake.

It wasn't until the Taako shifted in his seat to press the length of his thigh against Kravitz, and Kravitz felt an answering jump in the pulse of his-- fuck, this was sappy wording, but his fucking _heart_ , alright, his _heart_ , of which he didn't have one functioning, before he dared to label the itch under his skin that he felt whenever he thought about Taako.

Kravitz... liked Taako. 

He liked Taako's unabashed mischeviousness, flirtatiousness, bravery, his lack of hesitation to throw himself into dangerous situations, his easy banter as he fought, his ridiculous teasing and that glint in his eye when he cast a spell, the strength that he had to have to keep his tongue quick even when he'd been an inch or so away from death, and the way he'd taken it upon himself to convince Kravitz not to go, as Taako had put it, "all seventh seal" on Magnus, Merle and Taako. That, and Taako was incredibly attractive. That- uh, yeah. That too, just a little bit.

Taako leaned in closer to place his hands over Kravitz, to help Kravitz shape his vase, and Kravitz's dead, practically nonexistence heart leaped into his throat. There is strangled him as he turned to look at Taako and found his face tantanizingly close to Taako's. 

What was Taako _playing at_?

And why was his hand so wonderfully warm against Kravitz's?

 _And why didn't he flinch away_ at Kravitz, Death incarnate, Hades, the Grim Reaper himself?

Kravitz wasn't stupid. Taako had to be playing him, to gain favor for his friends in the face of Death (trademarked). But _gods_ , he thought, as Taako finally looked from their hands on the vase up to Kravitz's eyes, and his expression betrayed no ill intent, only the moment's tentative connection, he would be lying if he said it wasn't working.


	3. Blink

Kravitz was crazy for Taako. 

He had to admit it, now, as he took the time to reappear at the Bureau of Balance just to watch Taako train. Because this was crazy. This was stalker level. 

To be fair, he wasn't here to stalk, observe, analyze, whatever, Taako. He just... He wanted had to see him again. After the Chug 'N Squeeze, they'd talked maybe once, and Kravitz was every bit as taken with him then as he had been during their... date.

Because it had been, hadn't it? Taako had leaned again Kravitz, but his hand atop Kravitz's, told him he felt something with him, told him their meeting wasn't just business, but pleasure, too. 

Yeah. It'd been a date.

Kravitz realized he was smiling. He didn't bother to hide it. He was invisible as he was, not quite on one plane or another. Where no one could see him. 

At least, until, at the end of the training session, as the robot arm Magnus wielded fell out of his reach and Taako was the only one with any spell slots left to beat the last robot, Taako cast Blink.

Then, Taako saw him. He saw Kravitz, and he definitely saw Kravitz's stupid grin, and he probably saw Kravitz blush when Taako didn't hesitate to throw a sly wink across the room, offering a blinding smile of his own.  
Kravitz was still basking in its light long after, when Taako had used Blink to take down the last robot and gone back to the material plane. When the rest of the team had gone and Taako lagged behind, waited a moment, and then stared pointedly at the place Kravitz had been standing, when Taako had cast blink.

Kravitz materialized in the material plane and faced Taako in full color, 1080p HD.

"Hi, Taako."

When Taako smiled, wicked but honest in its own weird Taako-brand way, Kravitz felt like the sun had lodged in his chest. Yeah, he was crazy for this wizard, absolutely. 

"Sorry," Kravitz spoke, past a gentle smile. He tried not to fail with his cufflink. He failed. "I just-- Uh, I realized I never gave you a way to. Contact me again."

"It's no problem, kimosabe," Taako shrugged, leaning against the wall. 

"And. I wanted to. I just wanted to, I guess-- see you again, Taako. I wanted to see you again."

"That was certainly a lot of seeing you were doing," Taako agreed. "I'm used to people checking in before checking out, but I don't mind. Was the view good?"

Kravitz opened his mouth reply, but found himself hard-pressed for a proper response. What was he supposed to say? Yeah, you were very hot, but I wasn't paying attention to that a much as I was the fact that you're amazing and intriguing and I can't get enough of you and I really, really like you, Taako. A bit. Over the top, Kravitz thought. 

"Would that be okay?" Kravitz settled on asking, skipping over Taako's question. "I mean, seeing you again?"

"Hell yeah, Anubis," Taako replied immediately, his ears perking up. "Are you free? Like, right now?"

Kravitz blinked. "I- I mean, yeah, I'm free."

"Great." Taako beamed, taking Kravitz's undoubtedly ice-cold hand in his, and leading him out of the training room. "I was going to cook tonight anyway, and feasting on the souls of the innocent must get old, eh, Skeletor?"

"You know I don't actually eat souls, right?" Kravitz asked, stepping in line with Taako and marvelling with their hands pressed together-- an action that didn't seem inherently affectionate, but the look Taako cast up at Kravitz was undeniably, undoubtedly soft-

"Sure. Just so as you know, though, second dates mean second base, and that's a Taako guarantee." 

-and Kravitz was melting.  
Oh gods, yeah. Kravitz was crazy for him.


End file.
